Lachesis' Asylum

"Laat me gaan", smeekte je en je vingers verloren kracht.
Ik hield je hand nog steviger vast terwijl paniek mijn hart overspoelde. Kan je niet laten gaan, wetend dat je voor altijd verloren zou zijn.
Maar je was reeds verdwenen. De ziel in je ogen gedoofd. Je keek me niet langer aan, je huilde niet meer, je wendde je hoofd af.

Jij, was niet meer.

En ik liet los.

I never told you of the nightmares that haunted me and made me lie awake, watching over you during many nights. There was this melody you used to hum on moments we were sitting in the car. A refrain associated with ‘going somewhere’. Popping up out of nowhere and I always tried to figure out the words you kept in your mind, but didn’t vocalize.
In those dreams I saw you sneaking out of bed. You didn’t even bother to slip into your shoes as you tiptoed down the stairs to go outside to the summer house. And always you found it. Always I saw you walking down the road, barefoot in your nighties, dragging the shovel behind you. Dreadfully you sang your words out loud, the words you kept to yourself. Take me into the woods and bury me. In my heart I belong in the ground. Erase my remnants from your memory. When you wake up I will no longer be around…
I woke up. Night after night after night. And I had to touch you to believe you were still lying next to me. That you had not gone down that road. I got rid of the shovel too. You asked me where it went and I lied to you. But two weeks later we had a new one hanging that you picked up from a garden store sale.